Maria Gets Real: Anniversaries and letting go

Yesterday was my parents' 53rd wedding anniversary.? In a world where many people don't even make it to their 3rd, that's a pretty big accomplishment.? Even better, they're very happy together and have found a life that is fulfilling and (mostly) peaceful on a couple as well as individual level.

Yesterday was also the 6th anniversary of the day I met a guy who, I thought would become the next great love of my life.? That one lasted over 5 years, and we broke up last fall when I realized it was mostly me having a relationship and he enjoying the benefits of my attention and devotion without giving much back.

Every year on our anniversary we had a little celebration - nothing big but special to both of us.? So as the day approached I was a little worried that I'd be a bit emotional, wistful, and feeling that emptiness I felt in the first months after I said goodbye to him.? I didn't :)

Actually, I remembered the day a few days in advance, then forgot about it until yesterday afternoon.? I thought about sending an e-mail or e-card, or even calling but couldn't think of anything to say.? So I back-burnered it for later, thinking we'd talk that evening.? Evening came and went, then the stroke of midnight and the day was over.?

And nothing.? Not a twinge of loss.? Not a sadness about "what might have been."? No anger, hurt or sense of rejection. Nothing.

If anything I felt a peace about it, a knowing that we are now friends in the limited capacity he is capable of and that's ok.? I have forgiven him, forgiven myself, and forgiven the world for not working out how I wanted.? I have moved into acceptance, and I know without a doubt that I could pick up the phone any time or easily spend an afternoon with him in the spirit of genuine love and friendship, and without all the baggage that wanting a "relationship" brings.?

Very freeing!

I'm sharing this for those who have been hurt by relationships and who every day still feel that sharp blade stabbing their hearts.

You CAN come to peace.? You CAN come to a place where you're ok and ready to move on.? It doesn't mean you stop loving that person but it does mean seeing the relationship for what is truly is rather than what you wish it was.? Taking this step is a HUGE leap, and it will change your outlook and your life.

You can do this.... really :)

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